Cushioned by Soup

How a wrong pair of boots nearly ruined my day- and why small comforts matter

Today has been a reminder in how easily the mood and tone of a day can shift, from purposeful and productive intentions to procrastination disguised as work.

I got up, I walked the dogs, I had breakfast and I went out to my studio, all my equipment with me. I had a meeting to anchor my morning around, and some jobs I wanted to get done. First, though, I quickly popped into the shop to pick up a parcel.

I was excited about this parcel. It contained a pair of boots I’d been thinking about all week, a Vinted bargain purchase of what I was imagining to be 1460 Doc Martens in a gorgeous dark cherry colour. I picked it up, I walked to the studio, I greeted the plants (what!? Don’t you greet your plants when you visit them?) and I filled the kettle. Then I sat down to unwrap the package. Palms lightly sweating, heartbeat slightly raised.

Out they tumbled, shiny leather, gorgeous dark cherry- but something wasn’t quite right. The shape? The soles? Something… oh God, were they fakes?

They weren’t fakes. But they weren’t what I’d thought they were either. They were a boot called a Winchester- a men’s dress boot- and although my heart was in love with the colour, my eyes weren’t in love with the shape of the toe and my feet didn’t love the depth- a men’s 6 is bigger than a woman’s 6 and these were too big. And they weren’t 1460s.

Reader, I was disproportionately pissed off.

However, undeterred I contacted my colleague about our meeting. “Oh sorry,” she replied. “Something’s come up, I didn’t check the calendar and now I’m double booked.”

I was a little dismayed. Our meetings are fun and productive, and now with this anchor-point in my morning removed, I felt adrift. What would I do now? I was also starting to feel hungry.

I could go to a cafe and get some lunch- mmm, a dopamine hit! That would make me feel better! (But that costs money, and I had some lovely soup at home, so I’d soon get the guilts and that would make everything worse). I could make a cup of tea and doodle on my notepad. I could look at my to-do list and think of a load of reasons why I couldn’t do any of them now- and I could start blaming myself and spinning off into a dark hole of recrimination and negative self-talk. Of course, I did start doing these things. One disappointing parcel, one cancelled meeting, and all of a sudden I was completely rethinking my life choices and wondering why I don’t live somewhere hot and sunny by the beach.

Can you relate?

For me, one of the problems was that I had a lot of jobs that need doing but none of them are time-dependent- I can do them when I want to. Some of them are interesting and important, some are interesting but not important, and some are the worst kind: important but not interesting. Obviously I want to do the first kind, and the second kind, but often it feels like I spend my time doing the last kind. I’d had two small but significant disappointments before 10:30 in the morning, and I didn’t want to spend my time now working on something that wasn’t interesting or inspiring. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and eat cake.

So I made a sensible, body-driven decision, and headed home to have lunch. I didn’t go to the spendy cafe and buy soup and coffee- I went home and ate the (really rather nice) soup I’d made, and a piece of cake made by my daughter on Monday night (I know! I’m so glad she did!).

Coming back to my day after some food was surprisingly easy. Or maybe not surprisingly. I’d had some good news- the Vinted seller had paid the return postage for the boots, which she didn’t have to do. And I’d had a response to a speculative email I’d sent the day before: a not yet (which, importantly, wasn’t a no). If I’d seen that earlier in the day, it would have landed like a rejection. As it was, it landed more softly. Cushioned by soup. It’s a disappointment, sure, but it could have been a lot worse, and it’s a door still slightly ajar rather than tightly closed.

I used to be a spiraller, and I used to use disappointment as an excuse to, frankly, sulk and wallow in my misfortune, but these days I’m much better at identifying that restlessness and deflation, and nip it earlier- if not quite in the bud. With my growing interoceptive awareness and fluency in tuning into my own mind-body connection, I’m more often able to take control of a day which risks spiralling into a wasteland of procrastination and dilly-dallying. A cup of tea, a bowl of soup, a piece of cake, can all offer a comforting sensory experience and allow the nervous system to steady itself again. Once that’s done, finding a small win is the next useful step- whether that’s washing up the breakfast dishes, shaking the rug and straightening the cushions, or paying a bill online- it’ll take you moments, and allow you to feel that relief, the moment of ticking off something useful, which gives the momentum to do another small thing and then maybe a bigger one.

Next time I’m in danger of having my day derailed completely, I’ll be one practice closer to that self-regulation being automatic. Changing patterns of thought and behaviour takes time- and effort. My yoga practices help me to recognise them; the fact that in a physical movement practice I can choose to stay with challenging things (or to say ‘enough’ and step back) means that in daily life I can more easily choose to steady myself with healthy, nurturing things and not slide down into less positive coping strategies. However, when the ability to stay with a long exhale feels a long way off, sometimes the best nervous-system regulation tool is… soup.

We’re all one disappointing Vinted parcel away from spiralling into a wasted day. What knocks you off course- and if it’s not soup, what’s your top tip to save the day?